“Where are you from?”
It’s a question I’ve heard more times than I can count. For some, it’s small talk. For me, it’s a loaded inquiry—a mirror reflecting identity, belonging, and a past I had to piece together myself.
As a transracial adoptee, my story wasn’t written in the way most childhoods are. I was raised in a loving home—but not one that mirrored me. My skin, my culture, my heritage? They didn’t live in the photo albums or echo around the dinner table.
This post isn’t just a story—it’s a window. Into the realities many adoptees live every day. Into what it means to grow up “between.” And into the strength it takes to claim your identity in a world that assumes it for you.
What Is a Transracial Adoptee?
Being a transracial adoptee means being adopted into a family of a different race.
For me, that meant learning to navigate two different worlds—one at home, and one in public. I was taught to love my family, but I had to teach myself how to love where I came from.
The mirror didn’t reflect my parents’ faces. The world didn’t treat us as the same.
Identity Isn’t Inherited—It’s Discovered
One of the biggest misconceptions about adoption is that love erases difference.
It doesn’t.
Love is powerful—but it doesn’t teach you how to deal with microagressions, how to answer the questions from strangers, or how to feel seen when no one around you shares your cultural background.
There were times I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere—not fully in the world I was born into, and not fully in the one I was adopted into. Always teetering on the fence between two worlds.
But through that tension, I learned something invaluable:
You can belong to yourself.
Culture Is Not a Footnote
Culture is more than holidays or food—it’s the rhythm of your life, the stories passed down, the way people move and speak and gather.
When you’re raised without your cultural roots, you often feel like something’s missing—even if you can’t name it.
For a long time, I didn’t even realize what I’d lost. But as I grew older, I started to feel the ache of disconnection. I began seeking out my history, my traditions, my people.
And each time I found something—however small—it felt like a piece of myself was coming home.
The Questions That Never Stop
If you’re a transracial adoptee, you already know: the questions never stop.
- “Are you really related?”
- “Do you know your real parents?”
- “Why do you talk like that?”
- “Where are you really from?”
These questions sting.
They tell you you’re an outsider, even in your own story. They force you to explain your existence—to justify your place in the world.
When you’re young, those questions shape the way you see yourself. I had to unlearn the shame. I had to stop seeing my story as something to explain and start seeing it as something to own.
What I Wish People Knew
Being a transracial adoptee is not just about survival—it’s about reconciliation.
It’s reconciling:
- Your love for your adoptive family with the grief of what was lost.
- Your internal identity with how the world perceives you.
- The need for cultural connection with the reality that no one handed it to you.
I don’t need pity. What I needed—and what every adoptee deserves—is space to grow into our full selves. Support. Representation. And families who are willing to do the work.
My Message to Fellow Adoptees
You are not alone.
Your voice matters—even if it shakes.
You have a right to ask questions, to be angry, to grieve, and to celebrate who you are becoming.
You are not defined by the pieces you didn’t get—you are shaped by how you reclaim them.
Conclusion: The Power of Reclaiming Your Story
For a long time, I felt like I didn’t have the “right” to speak on my experience.
That changed when I realized the silence was never meant to protect me—it was meant to protect comfort.
But my truth matters more than comfort.
So if you’re reading this—whether you’re an adoptee, an adoptive parent, or someone trying to understand—know that the path forward starts with listening.
Let’s keep this conversation going.
If this story resonated with you:
- Share it with someone who needs to hear it.
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