Are those your fake parents? Do you have a home? Where are you from? Questions I would hear instantly once people found out I was adopted. All the while standing there trying to come up with some sort of response. Not only am I am adopted, but a Transracial Adoptee. Now you maybe wondering, what is a Transracial Adoptee? This is a child who is adopted by parent(s) outside of their own race/ethnic group. I realize now a lot of these statements were said out of ignorance and curiosity, though as a child, it hurt. My hopes are this post provides perspective and understanding. Learning is knowing.
1. Where are your “REAL” parents?
This word always bothered me. REAL. As if to imply that my adoptive mother & father weren’t real. Often people labeling my adoptive parents as “fake parents”. As a child, I imagined people saw my adoptive parents as robots, something abnormal. I couldn’t see what they saw. In my eyes, they were/are my real parents. They clothed, fed, and loved me just the same.
2. How come your real family didn’t ‘want’ you?
Yikes! This was something I struggled with internally wondering why I wasn’t with my biological family. There are many factors why adopted children are no longer in their parents care. When asked this question, it made me feel like I was the ‘problem’. That I must have done something to make this happen. I realize now it was not my guilt to carry.
3. You aren’t a real Mexican, because you don’t speak Spanish.
I absolutely HATED hearing this! It was not like I chose my situation. Sadly, majority of these statements would come from my own ethnicity, making figuring out my self-identity even more confusing. Growing up trying to find my balance within my culture was a real struggle. Not white, but not quite Mexican enough… left questioning where I really belonged out in the real world.
4. Why don’t you look like your parents?
Yes, I am quite aware! It’s pretty obvious I do not have sandy brown, light brown eyes, and milky Norwegian skin like my Mom. But guess what? That didn’t stop her from loving me as her own. She is my hero.
“All children need love & a space to call their own. They will bloom where they feel wanted.”
5. Why do you call them Mom & Dad?
Because they are! They raised, loved, and guided me. As any parent does. We just happen to not share the same DNA! Love moves beyond physical appearances. To hold on to this concept that you can only love someone that looks like you is so dated. To note, my parents never forced the notion of calling them “mom” & “dad”, this decision was left up to me. Whenever I felt ready to do so. The day I decided to call my mom ‘mom’, it felt right, and ultimately my decision, which made it even more meaningful.
Photo by Janay
My Mom & me.
She is my guiding light.
I hope this post helped to bring perspective to the topic of adoption & Transracial Adoptees. I encourage you to reflect on this post. How would you rephrase these questions? Have you ever experienced anything like this? What other questions do you have regarding adoption? I would love to hear your thoughts, comments, and questions related to this topic!
