Park Bench: Sitting with My Younger Self

I have this dream sometimes…I’m walking in a park down a cobblestone path on warm, sunny day in Spring. Aroma of fresh cut grass fills the air and brightly colored flowers welcome the bumble bees and butterflies. Dancing along, collecting nectar, pollenating for next year’s crop. There is a bench ahead of me along the path. Sitting there is a little girl, alone, feet not quite touching the ground, swinging her feet back and forth. I walk closer and realize…It’s me. My younger self. She notices me, we lock eyes, big brown eyes full of depth in a quizzical gaze, wondering how this is possible. I am her; she is me. As I sit down beside her, somehow, we both knew and wished this moment would come.

I already know all the questions racing through her mind. I don’t know how much time we have. I reach out, holding her hands in mine. I tell her she is okay, WE are okay. I explain to her all the ONE DAYS.

One day we will have a place to call home. There will be a time when we lay our head down on a pillow and not worry about whether we will there the next night. It is our space, a place to call all our own.

One day we will have a first love. Our first love who will show how beautiful love can be in a relationship. We will learn so much about ourselves and what we need. It will not last, but not to worry, there is more love to come. We are lovable, never doubt that.

One day we will get married. Twice, actually! First one was a lesson. But a good one to learn. Never doubt who you are though, we are a lot stronger than we know. We will come out the other side even more independent, confident, and full of love. This is when we meet our True Love. This one is a keeper. He will love us through our high and lows, giving kisses and extra words of affirmation when we need it most.

One day we will know pure love. The first time feeling baby flicker inside our belly, making swirls. Being a mother sounds scary, given everything we’ve been through, but trust me we will be great at it. Beautiful baby girl will light up our World and brighten even our darkest days when the past tries to creep in with its doubts.

One day we will find true friendship. Moving from home to home and changing schools makes having friends tough. Always remember to be your true self. We are unique and have a perspective to share with the World unlike anyone else. When you do find those friends, you will know, they will be by our side through all the laughs and heartbreaks. Above all accepting us for us.

“Promise?”, my younger self asks. “Promise.” I say, looking into her big doe eyes reflecting a tiny glint of hope. A small smile appears. Just hold on, ONE DAY is on its way.

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